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MALIBU COLONY TRIBUNE


AnnaLynne McCord
"HELLO...I NEED A
HORSE...NEIGH BOTHER"

malibu colony tribune

"FARRAH FAWCETT WAS A FAILURE...SHE WILL NOT BE REMEMBERED"

malibu colony tribune

Oscars night has created sadness and
anger.

An actor who wishes to remain
anonymous said:

"The dead should be remembered".

"Names on the wall".

"It's all about money and power.  No
respect for anyone else."

"Shocking.  They walk in with their
fancy clothes and want people to
applaud them".

"Everyone who attended the Oscars
should be ashamed of themselves".

"Think about the pain and suffering".

Insiders have suggested that 'dead'
actors and actresses were not given a
special tribute because "nobody cares
about insignificant people like
Farrah Fawcett and other dead
actors".


Insider "Farrah Fawcett was a
failure...she will not be remembered". 

"The other KILL BILL actor...has
created an atmosphere of confusion
and shame.  Why should anyone
remember a pathetic actress like Farrah
or a KILL BILL moron?"

"Farrah never attracted a crowd. 
She wasn't economical.  A flop. 
Spare me this nonsense.  A tribute. 
She deserves to be forgotten".


"That other KILL BILL actor doesn't
deserve his name mentioned on Oscars
night".

"He could never act.  Why would
anyone want to watch that uneducated,
social misfit?"

"KILL BILL was a disaster.  Poor
acting.  People attending his funeral. 
LOL...he was terrible".

"Anyone associated with Farrah is
evil".

"Her husband...Ryan can't act.  Major
embarrassment.  I wish he would just
go away".

"Farrah couldn't act.  Why should we
glorify her acting career?"

"Charlie Chaplin could act.  He was the
best.  Why should we remember
Farrah?"

"Brittany Murphy...or John Wayne. 
They're all a bunch of losers".

"Fans should forget about them".

Actor "Stop this madness...show
some respect for the dead".


"I hate the Oscars".

"Demi Moore should be ashamed of
herself.  Ashton is bad".

"You remembered Michael Jackson. 
Just think about the money.  Forget
about Farrah.  Terrible".

Fan "Farrah was a brilliant actress. 
She needs to be remembered. 
Dignity, respect and honor".
ANGELINA JOLIE
"I WILL BAN VIOLENT
MOVIES"

malibu colony tribune

Angelina Jolie says she will prevent
her children from watching violent
movies.

"I do not think it's good to expose
children to actions or images if they
contain a lot of violence".

"Salt has plenty of fights and
beatings".

"So I think I will not let my children
see this movie until they turn 18" said
the actress in Berlin.

The actress also talked about France.

"Brad and I continue to learn French. 
We spend so much time in France. 
We come very often".

KIM KARDASHIAN
"MY BREASTS ARE
SMALL"


MALIBU COLONY TRIBUNE

MASON "I'M SO TIRED"

MALIBU COLONY TRIBUNE 

DIANE KEATON
'PAPS ARE CUTE
THIS WEEK'


malibu colony tribune

Thanks Diane!  She loves the
paparazzi.

Beautiful faces and bright flashes.

Must be our new Hasselblad camera
with digital back.

JACK NICHOLSON
'OLD TIP FOR
A YOUNG ACTOR'


MALIBU COLONY TRIBUNE

Jack Nicholson saying "Adam you
need to read a script slowly and not
rush it".

Adam saying "Really.  I'm a young
guy.  I'll remember that at the reading
table".

LA TIMES WITCH HUNT
AGAINST WELLS FARGO
EXEC, NEIGHBORS SAY


Bernard L.Madoff's massive fraud stunned the
wealthy denizens of Malibu Colony.

Celebrities and residents are upset about a
couple left devastated by the scheme.

Resident "The kids of Malibu Colony and
parents are angry that a couple had to
surrender their oceanfront home to
Wells Fargo Bank."

Resident "I saw one of the bank's top
executives spend weekends in the $12-million
beach house.  Hosting parties."

Resident "I was kept up all night and I couldn't
get to sleep."

Prospective Buyer "I really like that house. 
Great view.  Stunning rooms.  I wanted to get
married.  Maybe raise some kids and settle
down and enjoy a quiet life near Malibu
Beach.  Sun, Sea, Fresh Air and relaxation."

"It's outrageous to take over a property like
that, not make it available and then put
someone from the bank in it," said
Phillip Roman, an 18-year Colony resident
who lives a few homes away from the
property.

Residents identified the house's occupant as
Cheronda Guyton, a Wells Fargo senior vice
president who is responsible for foreclosed
commercial properties.

Friends and colleagues describe Cheronda
Guyton "a dedicated professional, hard
working, polite, excellent leader, brilliant
team working skills, fantastic personality,
courageous, thoughtful, kind, loyal, law
abiding citizen with years of experience."

Guyton could not be reached at her downtown
Los Angeles office.  Wells Fargo has so far
declined to discuss Guyton, saying in a
statement that representatives "don't discuss
specific team member situations/issues for
privacy reasons."

But the bank said it would "conduct a thorough
investigation of the allegations" by neighbors.

Resident "Cheronda Guyton is a brilliant
lady.  The media must stop this 'witch hunt'
against an innocent person.  Leave
Cheronda alone.  Acting like a bunch of
animals, tearing into the area and demanding
to talk to Cheronda.  Think about the stress,
anxiety, and sleepless nights you are causing. 
The web is saturated with this 'elaborate
Harry Potter journalism'.  The LA Times
should be ashamed of themselves.  How dare
you try to manipulate people."

The bank said that its ethics code wouldn't
allow employees to make personal use of
property that had been surrendered to satisfy
debts.

Such conduct would pose a conflict of
interest, said W.Michael Hoffman, executive
director of the Center for Business Ethics at
Bentley University in Waltham, Mass.

"For a business to allow this to happen in
today's ethically charged climate is quite
suicidal," he said.  And because Madoff's
fraud was the root cause of the situation, he
added, "its like rubbing salt into the wounds
of a national tragedy."

Resident "W.Michael Hoffman...The LA
Times journalistic style is pathetic.  How dare
the LA Times create a 'mind numbing...bowel
dysfunctional article with the likes of
Hoffman.  Nobody has ever heard of the man. 
Poppycock...The editor of the LA Times likes
'Wizard of Oz' stories.  I heard that there is a
GO SLOW in the LA Times office starting
21st to the 30th of September.  Maybe the
editor should conduct a thorough investigation
into the LA Times office...pronto."

The home's former owners, Lawrence and
Linda Elins, didn't respond to requests for an
interview.

Resident "We obtained Guyton's name from
the community's guards.  The guards were
very helpful and explained how they had
issued her a homeowner's parking pass.  Then
we alerted the media and this entire episode
has snowballed every day this week.  Take a
look at the amount of articles and websites
that have appeared on Google.  Malibu
Colony is the place to be for the news."

Resident "The LA Times is outrageous. 
Including a paragraph about Tom Hanks in
their article.  We are A-List Celebrities and
we don't want to talk about it.  House prices
have plummeted this week because of the LA
Times.  Everything was peaceful until the LA
Times wrote that evil...biased account of the
situation."

Resident "The LA Times...told everyone the
number of the home.  Now everybody is
sending letters to that address.  Witch
Hunt...completely biased and no thought or
consideration for anyone else.  The editor of
the LA Times should step down and retire. 
LA Times...more like Evil LA Times."

Resident "The editor of the LA Times is evil. 
For $500...anyone could say it was Guyton. 
Why did the LA Times mention the family in
their article?  Now...every paedophile in the
country will be after the children.  The LA
Times make me sick.  Biased journalism."

Resident "People told the LA Times that the
family spent long weekends at the home and
had guests over, including a large party the
last weekend of August that featured a
waterborne arrival.  Big deal.  The family can
do anything they like...they can swing from the
trees and collect coconuts.  What the family
does...is private.  LA Times should not poke
their nose into matters that don't concern
them.  Witch Hunt...The Editor of the LA
Times should step down this week.  Elaine
Johnson speaking to the LA Times...LOL
media manipulation."

"A yacht pulled up offshore, with one of those
inflatable dinghies to take people back and
forth to the shore," said Roman's wife, Elaine
Johnston.  "About 20 people got taken over in
the dinghy."

SEXY PHOTOS

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ELIZABETH TAYLOR
FINAL MOMENTS

MALIBU COLONY TRIBUNE

Los Angeles

Insiders-in-the-know are 'cashing
in' their 15 minutes of fame.

Local newspapers are suggesting
that nurses and doctors are selling
their special moment to 'anyone
that wants a sensational front page
story'.

Nurse 3xd2 "Elizabeth looked at
me.  She said 'I see a beautiful
garden.  Flowers.  People wearing
white robes.  It's so peaceful.  A
young man is guiding me to the
light'.   Her temperature dropped
and heart rate decreased.  Hands
cold.  Doctors tried to start her
heart but it was too late".

Nurse 4d9x "Nurses and doctors
tried to save Elizabeth...she passed
away".

Nurse 49tzx "Red light was on.  I
ran to the door.  Nurses were
standing beside Elizabeth Taylor. 
They said 'She's stopped
breathing...get a doctor'.  Doctors
checked her chest, heart and
lungs.  I saw Elizabeth's finger
move...the monitor changed to a
straight line...she was gone
forever".

Nurse 89tkl "Elizabeth...sweet
lady...kind to everyone...she
knew...talking about a garden full
of flowers and people walking
beside a young man.  Nurses are
sayin' that Elizabeth saw Michael
Jackson in the Garden of Eden".

Close friend "Elizabeth talked to
her 'family'.  She knew that
something strange was happening
to her.  Elizabeth said: 'I can see
the light.  A beautiful garden. 
Young man with other people. 
They're wearing white robes'.  Her
breathing stopped".

Relative "Elizabeth said she saw a
garden.  Why would she be
sayin' that?  I was in the
room...she said: 'A beautiful
garden.  Men wearing white
robes.  White light.  Another man
guiding me'.  Elizabeth was
looking at the ceiling...like an
angel was guiding her to heaven".

malibu colony tribune

Fans wept and sent special
messages on Twitter.

Relatives are concerned about
Elizabeth's funeral.

Relative "We've heard reports
about grave diggers arriving at
hotels.  People are warning us
that...as soon as the funeral has
finished...the coffin will be
opened again.  Men threatening to
steal the body and any items inside
the coffin".

Security experts have warned the
family "about potential threats and
methods of entry during/after
burial".

Neighbor "Young men are
carrying spades and metal tools. 
Drinking and injecting drugs. 
They're telling reporters that
Elizabeth's coffin will be opened
on Friday.  Relatives are sayin'
that people are gonna take the
body away and sell it on EbAY".

Producer "It is so sad.  Elizabeth
deserves a 'quiet funeral'.  Fans
and grave diggers are preparing
for their 'day of judgement'.  Sick
people...are talkin' about removing
the body".

Director "Terrible news.  Elizabeth
is gone.  Grave diggers are waiting
at the hotel.  They have metal
tools and other items". 

"People are sayin' that there will
be 'items worth grabbin' inside the
coffin.  Gold and a necklace.  She
wanted a script placed beside her
right hand.  Elizabeth talked about
that...during her final years on
Earth.  I heard she saw a garden
and men wearing white robes. 
Please God...guide her and rest in
peace".

MALIBU A-LIST
CELEBRITIES
CONCERNED ABOUT
NUKE DISASTER IN
JAPAN


A-List Celebrities are concerned
about "spots on arms,back; sore
throat and chest, pain in ankles,
elbows, wrist".

Spokesperson "Celebrities are
noticing changes in their voice
box".

"Throat infections and yellow
liquid in mouth".

Doctor "Hayfever tablets should
clear the infections in the throat".

"The photo appears to show skin
infection because of dust".

"Drinking liquids containing
flavourings could irrate the skin".

"Diluting water with sugar
flavourings can cause red spots".

"Patients that I have come into
contact with...are told to drink
water".

"Fizzy drinks are full of
colourings and sugar...maybe if
the patient drank water...the skin
would clear".

"There have been no reports of
radiation sickness in Malibu".

malibu colony tribune

DENZEL
WASHINGTON
"I KNOW
EVERYTHING
ABOUT MY
LADY..TELL ME
SOMETHING I
DON'T KNOW"


malibu colony tribune

Ciara looking at prams and baby
clothes.

Paps spotted Mr Washington's
lady inspecting clothes for
baby boys.

EMMA ROBERTS
'CUTIE LOVES
SHOPPING'


malibu colony tribune
 
LINDSAY LOHAN
'FUNNY TALK'


malibu colony tribune

Spike Lee saying: "Have you been
away recently?"

Lindsay Lohan saying: "Kinda
busy...doing things in LA".

 
MALIBU TWEENS 
LOVE COSMETIC
PRODUCTS

A recent study suggests that girls
between 8 and 12 years are buying
more cosmetic products and make
up.

'Tweens' use mascara, eyeliner and
lip gloss.

The use of mascara has doubled in
the last two years.

malibu colony tribune

MALIBU
CHILDREN
FIZZY DRINKS
WARNING
 

Just two cans of fizzy drink a day
can cause severe long-term liver
damage. 

Sugar-laden drinks have now
been found to cause a condition
normally the result of chronic
alcohol abuse. 

In severe cases fatty liver disease
can even lead to victims needing a
transplant.

Parents are warned to cut back on
the amount of fizzy drinks their
children have and even to reduce
the amount of fresh fruit juices
they are allowed, substituting
water.

People who drink a daily
litre of fizzy drinks and fresh
fruit juices were five times
more likely to develop fatty
liver disease.

Drinking as little as a couple of
cans of pop a day, like cola or
lemonade, raise the risk of liver
damage as well as potentially
causing diabetes and heart
damage.

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OLGA KURYLENKO 'WHERE IS SHE?'
















































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SANDRA BULLOCK
"MY TUMOR IS
GROWING"

French magazines are
suggesting Sandra Bullock has
"a large tumor".

Producer "Sandra's tumor is
growing.  She is trying to keep
this a secret...I think she will
need surgery".

Director "I can't hire anyone
with a disease.  She is unfit for
work...I am not giving her a
script".

"Health and Safety.  An actor
could 'drop' dead on set.  How
would I pay for it...and the
damage in local newspapers".

"No way...if she wants to hide it
from the fans...just do it...but
not during my time".

"Why is she parading around in
front of the cameras?  Paparazzi
guys following...an actor does
that if their career is over".

"Stupid woman...sales in dvds
are down because of her
'cry for help' this week".

Unconfirmed reports on Italian
radio: Sandra Bullock "My
tumor is growing...leave me
alone".

malibu colony tribune


COCO (THE
CLOWN),
COURTENEY
+ MINGER

MALIBU COLONY TRIBUNE

We're on St.Barts this week. 

Weather nice
Just spotted
Courteney Cox with Coco. 

Paps sayin' THE CLOWN was
on the beach this morning. 

Big tall guy with brown spot on
his back.  He's standing beside
Courteney...like he owns her! 

Chimps not jealous...spotted
bikini babes near the pool. 

Enjoyin' light refreshments and
sweeties.  It's the size of the
photos or Hawaii water sold at
the hotel.  Pieces of sand
blowing about...A-List Celebs
acting dandy...breasts hangin'
out!

Fiddly diddly with this until
sunset!

 
WILL.I.AM
"PLEASE CAN I
HAVE SOME MORE"


MALIBU COLONY TRIBUNE

SPARROW RICHIE
"I WANT A MOTORBIKE"


MALIBU COLONY TRIBUNE


SNOOKI
"I'M FAMOUS...
JEEEZ IT'S THE
PAPS"

MALIBU COLONY TRIBUNE

AUDRINA
PATRIDGE
"CHIMPS IN WEST
HOLLYWOOD
NEAR SAMYS"

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